Best Jokes

Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I’m doing fine. We are just looking for a home:3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok… mhmmm… WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn’t Read it…) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn’t know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny:() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon!:3 Me now hates my life.:)

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence

My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships

There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.

I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.

If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.

You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting

Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen

Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya

Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented

If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

Hey guys! It’s Triple G you can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes as those are the jokes I specialise and only do best on the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revouir, GGG

Yo mama so poor she asked a homeless guy for money.

The best night of my life was when gave my virginity to wife and her last word was when she called me “Mommy” at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up??.

My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.

Why do orphans cry at insurance places They got offered the family plan

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it Leaves and never comes back

The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school? Don’t ask me, i just fly the drone.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,“I want to be more handsome than the first guy.”, God granted his wish. “The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy.” God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. “What is your wish? ” God asked him. “I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!” God granted his wish

Timmy has 5 apples,

His train is 7 minutes early

Calculate the mass of the sun

Wow paint can, you have such a colorful personality!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them

Why did Orphans have to drink there own piss? Because last time they went to the bar they went with there dad and drank some corona then got drunk and started eating someones toenails so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody has to evacuate the bar then the Orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldnt die and loved it so then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on youtube and the boy became famous so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk then the little boy became really rich

What is it called when u whoop a donkey?

A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.